letting it go..

I have always been someone to just wear my heart on my sleeve. And to some extent I still do but I'v noticed that for quite a bit I don't anymore. I'v been hurt way to much by friends, girlfriends, family to keep doing that. It's sad when you realize that because you have missed out on so much without even knowing it. Taking chances on things that could have been something because you were so guarded because you didn't want what happened before to repeat itself. But how will you know if you just don't go for it. And I am one of the biggest advocates of telling people to do just go with it and go for it. But I don't do it myself. I do it with business and things that I know it can only hurt me so deep. I don't really do it with things in my life that are a bit more personal and close because I know how deep it can hurt if it does repeat or go bad and I'm scared of that. The heart can really only take so much at a time and I honestly don't know, still at this point, if it can take anymore beating on it. I miss my father and sister immensely and nothing will replace that. My ex who was my rock through everything and I loved dearly is getting married to someone else. My close close friends just kind of up and left when I needed them and now it's just texts and calls to help them out or they want/need something from me. My grandfather pretty much just decided that it's not that important to him to have a relationship with us when it would be great to have it. And even though some of those things might have been a year or so gone now when you give your heart fully to everything you do and to everyone that you take in and just wear it on your sleeve, it takes time to heal. but you can't have it take over your life. You have to take those chances on people and things. Cause if you don't you'll lose and miss out on a lot. So...I guess it's time to take that advice, that I give to others so often, on myself.