a little longer than expected.

It's kind of weird after having 3 year plus long relationships to be on my own. Especially at this point in my life. Had that happened three or four years ago I'm not sure I would have learned what I did now. I've always kind of had someone there to help me. Someone I could take my mind off all the bad shit that has happened in my life and just not deal with it. Did that help at all. Well I would say some didn't mind it, and that's not what I was looking for, and one probably couldn't deal with me just not being the person I could be. And as unfortunate as that was I'm pretty sure that was the best thing that happened for me in a messed up kind of way. Once I was just all alone in a since...I got beat down probably harder than anyone ever could. Everything I was not wanting to deal with, I had too. Every emotion, conversation, feeling that I had been hiding for a long time had to come out. And as dark and as sad as those days were, that made me realize who I was. What I was capable of. What I wanted out of life. What kind of girl I wanted. Everything. I always was a little be afraid of what people thought about me. What I did, Where I was going, everything I did was kind of for someone else. And it's sad that it took horrible things to happen for me to realize to change that, but it did. I'm not sorry for the way I live my life anymore. If you want to judge me for liking nice things, traveling, spoiling a girlfriend or friends of mine and doing stuff that most people are scared to do, can't do, whatever...then judge me. I honestly don't really care. I'm not really wanting to win a popularity contest. I'v probably lost more friends than gained, but that's okay with me because the friends that have come in that time...I can actually call true friends. Which is a word and concept that people have no idea what it means and how to be one. It'll be an interesting time/adventure seeing where it goes from here and how everything plays out.