Risks

Risk is a very scary concept. Usually when you use that term you either gain everything or lose it all. That is why it is such a mind boggling concept to decide on. Are most things worth taking the risk and losing everything if you do? I don't know, I guess that depends on the person. But I would say that a lot things aren't worth that to most people. They would rather not worry about it, anxiety, stress of maybe coming out on the bad end of it all. Which I absolutely get cause I have not taken a risk on some things because I was so worried about it not going they way I hoped. But I kind of wish I did. Because for me, if you want to take a risk on something then it's probably what you really want and better than you have. Kind of like going for first instead of just accepting second. I have come to realize that more in the past 6 months than I'v ever had before. When you want something and you think about it once or multiple times a day then it's worth the risk. Whether it be a career move, telling someone that you like them or love them, or just simply getting rid of things that you don't need in your life. If it's going to make you happier and/or a better person then why not try for it. You might not get it and life goes on, probably the same way it was going. But maybe you do get it, and that one thing could change everything. I guess you have to be able to let go of that fear or maybe I should say "I" should let go off all the fear.

Power of Friendship

One of my oldest and closest friends came home yesterday from being gone for two years on a mission. When he got off the plane it was like we never missed a step and I saw him yesterday. When you can have friends like that that you haven't seen in a couple years or been able to really talk too and it seems as though he was never gone, that is something very special. That is a sign of true friendship and something that can't be broken. Something that I believe everyone should have in their life, because it's hard to fall when you have those type of friends. I owe a lot of things to this kid, and I'm sure more to come. Two of the things I owe him the most for is making me a better person, and making me believe that there is always good no matter how bad or messed up the situations may be. I'm honestly not sure where I would be today, with everything that has gone on in my life, if it wasn't for him. He never let me turn into someone I wasn't. Never made me give up hope, when I wanted to give up on it so badly. Never made me stop believing in love when I get my heartbroken. Never made me stop believing in God when I couldn't have been more mad at him. And never made me give up on myself. I couldn't be more grateful for that. I just hope that I can be half the friend to him as he has/always will be for me.

Unsaid

Sometimes it's the stuff that you leave unsaid that you wish you so badly could say. But you know that you shouldn't because if you do, it might ruin everything, cause more problems than you want to handle, or just scared to hear an answer that you don't want to hear. Maybe it's for the best to keep things unsaid. I mean you could get into a lot of bad shit if you said everything you wanted to say to everyone. But what if you did? It might be the complete opposite of what I think. Maybe it will weed out the people that aren't that important in your life. Maybe you will find your "true" friends if you do. Or if tell that one person that you want to be with, that you like them, that they might just like you and want to be with you too. Or you will find what you really want in life, who you really are, and what makes you truly happy. I guess the more I think about it, the more stuff that is unsaid the more you will never know what could happen. It's getting over that fear of sometimes hearing what you don't want to hear. And facing things you don't really want to face.

One Year. Nov. 19th, 2009

It has been one year since my dad has passed and it feels like it happened just yesterday. It is very hard to explain exactly how I am feeling about it. People ask me all the time how I am doing and feeling. I don't really know. Sure I'v gotten passed he numbness of it all, but besides that I couldn't really give you an exact answer. Sure I'm mad, angry, sad, confused, and all of other adjectives. But I am have love, peace, understanding of things that happened and why. Missing my dad and sadness that he is not here with me and our family will be with me every single day of my life. But it's getting pass the sorrow and hurt of it all and finding the good out of it and changing you as a person. I am slowly but surely finding that path of the goodness that could possibly come from a horrible tragedy.

I have friends, family members, people I don't even really know always tell me what I should be feeling and how I should be feeling. That it hasn't hit yet or that the anger and sorrow and everything else will hit you at some point and you need to make peace with it or deal with it. I don't really get how someone can tell someone how they should be feeling or what they will be feeling later on. No one really knows. Even if it did happen to you, yeah you might be able to help a little bit more and have some good advice and opinions, but everyone handles things differently, everyone has different feelings and emotions and how they deal with stuff. I believe what most people want and need in their life when something happens to them like this is just someone to be there and listen to them. Someone to talk to and spill all of their thoughts, emotions, and sadness out too.

Dad I love you with all of my heart. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't wish you were right here by my side. That if I could I would change everything. I'm going to miss you being able to watch me grow up and show you everything I can do with my life and career. I wish you could be there when I make it where I want to be in the Film Industry. I wish you could be there for when I get married and have children and be their grandpa. I wish every day that I could call you, see you, have lunch with you, go to colts games, take motorcycle trips, go on amazing vacations, just hug you and never let go. But I know that that isn't possible anymore. And I truly know now that you will always be with me in spirit and in my heart. You will help me get through everything in my life and trust me I'll need you for it, and I know you will be there with me every step of the way. I love you dad. Thank you so much for everything you did for me, but most of all thank you for being the best dad a son could ever ask for. Showing me all the love in the world. When it came down to it that's the best thing you could have ever given all of us, the love that you showed us every single day that you probably didn't even know you did. It still amazes me. And I'll always have that with me. Thank you for making me the person and man I am today. I love you. I'll see you and Tash again.

Hurting others

I don't really get why so many people have to hurt other people. It's really sad. I mean why do so many people tear each other down and make people feel bad, guilty, sad, heart broken, hurt etc...?? Is that the cool thing to do? I mean I see it every where. All around you it happens. I mean look on the social media websites like facebook and twitter. You can see millions of them on there. I have been torn down many times and i have also made fun of people and put them down. I just don't get it anymore. I mean yeah I did it because i didn't know who i was or was insure with myself and I never felt good about it. Is that why most people do it? Or do people do it for enjoyment or to make them feel better about themselves. I don't know but I see it more often than not and it kills me especially when it's your friend or family that is hurting. I watched my whole family fight and heard awful things said to each other and just make them feel really down about themselves...and what was the purpose of it all? to win? What are you really winning though? All you are doing is hurting someone you love and pushing people further and further away from you and in the end you will have pushed them so far that it won't ever be the same again. Words are very powerful and can hurt a lot more than a punch. Yeah it might make you look cool or bad ass in front of people or a crowd or maybe just to yourself but really you are just making a fool of yourself and making you look really stupid. A prime example is when I saw for the past 4 or 5 years my dad and his dad saw mean and awful things to each other and fight all the time and i honestly believe that they have no idea why they are evening fighting in the first place. People don't talk or listen anymore. They just fight and hurt others and usually the ones you care about and love the most and its very.. very sad that that is usually how it works. Hurting the ones you love and care about...I just don't get it.

Helping Hand.

It's funny how some people think that they can do it on their own and they don't need anyone to help. Everyone needs someone to help in almost every part of their life. You can't become successful in a business or career without someone's help. It's almost impossible. There is always someone that either helped you get there or is helping you run it or this or that. There are people out there that think that they don't need someone in their life to make them happy. That is true to an extent. I mean yeah you don't need someone to make you happy. But does everyone want someone to lean on, talk to, love, be there for, save them...etc...of course they do and if they say that they don't they are lying. Everyone is looking for that and even though you don't need that to be "happy" you need that to be completely happy because life is all about relationships and connection with others. That is where I noticed a lot of woman at stubborn. They got this whole "independent woman" thing going on and saying they don't need a guy or anything in their life. Come on get real. Yeah you might not need him but I'm pretty sure you want that one guy out there that will make you happier than you ever thought you could be. It's not about who makes the most and who does what as a career it's about your connection and relationship. I notice a lot of people out there like that. People are afraid to ask for help or guidance. Why? It doesn't mean you aren't a man or that you can't do something on your own it just means that you want to do something at the very best and usually two heads or better than one, so don't be afraid to ask for help! Some of the most successful people and most of the happiest people have help and or have that one person by their side that they love. Everyone needs help...from work, to relationships, even with yourself and problems. You can't always figure everything out on your own. So don't be afraid or too stubborn to ask!

A scared girl!

I know this girl who can play it off that she is fine and happy but really she is sad inside and wants to release everything to the world. Her sadness, her feelings, her mistakes, regrets, how she truly feels..but is scared to let all of that out there. Is scared to share it when everyone is waiting to listen and help. She hates the sounds of goodbyes. She is scared of people leaving her. she gives people what they want and she tries to act all nonchalant because she is afraid that they will see that she is really just lost and has lost her direction. She looks at herself in the mirror and sees imperfections when all there is is perfection. She looks at magazines and other people and thinks she doesn't look good enough when she looks simply beautiful. She is afraid that she will never reconnect with her father when they lost something along the way. But if they both look hard enough they are both really calling for each other to become a true father/daughter again. She goes out and tries to keep herself busy because when it comes time to face herself alone she is scared. She is scared of what might happen. She is scared of how she truly feels. She is afraid of missing experiences in life that other people have had. Everyone has different experiences and adventures in life I guess it's just up to you to decide how you want yours to be and go. She is sad that she never got the attention from her parents that her sister's got. She feels like she let them down in a way because of her past and what she may have done. But in reality she has her parents waiting with their arms wide open for her to come right in so they can protect her and give her all the love she wants. She just wants someone to protect her and to take her home. She wants someone to be there for her when she falls. She wants love and happiness in the world. She wants to change her mind so badly but doesn't know how. She needs to let that wall go. She needs to put down her guard and open up. She can offer the world and people so much but she needs to let it go. Because there will be so many people to catch her when she falls and she will rise higher than she could ever imagine after she does! Be the Incredible woman you are and don't be afraid anymore. Don't hide who you are. Let it all out and you will get the biggest reward back. Happiness, Love, and Peace.